I Want a New Drug

I did not know this before today, but apparently there is a drug called Sonata. In case you didn’t know or didn’t click on the link, the drug is designed to combat…wait for it…sleep deficiency. It’s always good to see that modern culture still feels the urgency of the timeless classical masterworks.

On the other hand, I guess whoever named the drug hasn’t listened to a lot of actual sonatas. Some of them don’t even have any obvious melodies. Better to have named such a medication “Barcarolle” or something.

However, classical music does seem a natural discipline from which to steal drug names, given that both classical music and pharmaceuticals favor words that sound vaguely foreign and end in vowels. Here are my ideas for classical-inspired drug names of the future:

Drug name What it treats
Tremolo Fine motor disability
Passacaglia Constipation
Eusebestan Bipolar disorder
Tempogiusto Hyperactivity
Glassinex Monomania
Collegno Erectile dysfunction
Sonatina Nap deficiency

Do you have any ideas to help further line the pockets of Big Pharma? (Was that not the best solicitation?)

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